I find it extremely difficult to believe that it has been eight years since my dear friend, Basil, left this world.  I wrote about it last year, too.  I think I’ve made progress with my grief, especially since last year his mom called me to help me let go, to not carry such a heavy burden.  I don’t think anyone could have said that to me except her for me to actually listen.  And over the course of the 12 months since the last terrible anniversary, I have done my best to lessen the load of my grief.

It’s gotten better.  I still have such trauma of the event that it’s so very personal.  I have lost many family members, more than most people my age that I know, which is sad and hard, but not the same kind of trauma.  I still think about him daily, but it’s not the distinct pain that it once was.  I can hear his name and smile.  I can hide from the events of that day for 364 days of the year.  I can remember his life instead of focus on his death.  Most days.  Not today.  Today is my hardest day.

I know it’s nothing compared to what his family is going through.  Now that I have kids, I can’t even imagine losing one.  I feel like my heart would be ripped out of my chest, forever.  I lost a cousin too young, too, and what I witnessed in my family assures me that I’m not exaggerating to say it is something a mother never gets over.

I do have, however, the pain of a lost friend, of witnessing that loss, and spending almost a decade trying to wrap my head around how much is appropriate to move on with my life.  And it is appropriate.  He would want that.  I just can’t help but picture him on certain days when I know we would’ve seen him.  He would’ve been there for EB and A2′s births.  Remember, the B in EB is for Basil.  He would’ve been there for birthdays.  He would’ve been there for New Years.  He would’ve been there for weddings.  And countless ordinary days in the last eight years.  And being around him would’ve made those days extraordinary.

His laugh.  His smile.  His hugs.  I had a dream about him last night, in my restless tossing and turning.  I could picture him perfectly.  That’s something I’m afraid of – forgetting little intricacies in his personality.  I had the gift of remembering it all in a dream, a precious thing.  He was Hubs’ best friend.  He was my heart.

Here is a video that I posted last year as well.  This is something that our mutual friend, Chad, made based on an idea of Hubs’.  Basil’s family is from Egypt and this is the song “Egyptian Lover.”  It’s amazing, funny, and is the only video I have of him.  And somehow it’s had over 100K views on YouTube!  Baz has gone viral.  Enjoy, and remember our sweet Baz, if you knew him.  If you didn’t know him, I promise you would’ve LOVED him.

Remembering Jells.