My Cousin-in-law, Jamie, is back in her Thursday slot to tell the tale of her sister having her baby.  I didn’t make her send me anything on Thanksgiving last week, in case you were wondering what happened.  She actually got to go earlier in the week with her stocking post, which we can all agree was amazing.  She said her second try is much more normal looking.  I cannot say the same thing about my third and I think it’s going down the elephant foot route as well.  Pics soon, when I finish.  Didn’t I tell you I’d be done in a day?  HAAAA!  Ha.  AHh.  Ah.  That didn’t happen.  This one has taken the longest.  Regardless, Jamie’s preggo sister, KE popped last week!  My notes are in green.  –jell jell

Thanksgiving Week: Omaha is full of nice people who don’t tell you that you’re the crazy lady in the airport…

Friends, I must deviate from stroke-related agenda to deliver this news – I AM OFFICIALLY AN AUNT!! MY VERY OWN SISTER HAD A BEBE!! And he’s fascinating. I LOVE him. So here’s the story…

Proud parents, KE and BE.. Way to go, mama!

My sis, K.E., wasn’t due until Dec.12th. However, a series of events unfolded which resulted in her giving beautiful birth on November 27th at 1:56pm. Firstly, I decided to run off to Nebraska over Thanksgiving with my Benjamin to visit his sis and bro-in-law, and my nephews on that side. So, two days before we’re supposed to leave we find out K’s 50% effaced and dilated 1cm AND one day before we leave K starts having false labor. Because.of.course.she.does. I FLIP OUT. Do I stay home? Do I go and try to drive back 9 hours like a madwoman if something happens? This results in a lot of tears and snappy comments at poor Benjamin from me because I’m afraid of missing such an important moment in my sister’s life. So the plan is? A plane ticket. Because sometimes the answer is duh-easy, and you’re just blind in your panic, like when you can’t find your wallet in your purse so you dump all contents on a bench at the mall only to discover it was totally in the front pocket where you always keep it. Yep, just like that.

Kayso, we get to Nebraska and have a BLAST with Sis-part-deux and bro-in-law, and the kiddos. Thanksgiving dinner is ama-za-zing, and I eat to the point of illness and stay up way, way, way too late. So of course the phone rings at 7am and it’s my Dad telling me K.E. and the dad-to-be are at the hospital because she’s got contractions coming every 7 minutes and my flight leaves at 11:15am and can I get to the airport in time??? Crap. Yes!! I am doing this!! Wake up Jamie Rene’, Thundercats are GOOOOO!!! (hearts to Juno btw) Benjamin’s sister (who is awesome) agrees to zoom me off to the Omaha airport, shortly after I’ve run around her bathroom with one leg in my pants, coffee in my right hand and my phone in my left, with my sister on the phone going, “You’re not freaking out right? Because there’s nothing to freak out about, so don’t freak out, but you’re getting on the plane right? You’re coming? I just wanted to make sure you’re not freaking out, because there’s nothing to freak out about – oh wait! Gotta go!! I’m having a contraaaaaccctttioooooonnnn *click*

….. Well, onward with the putting on of pants!! We get to the airport and I’ve done the best I can with myself (just remember my hair/gravity problem though, this will be important in about 5 minutes, that and the fact that I did not bring a hat). I hug Ben’s sis, and hug/kiss Benjamin, then tear full-speed into the airport like I am personally responsible for making sure all flights depart as scheduled. I squelch to a stop at the automated check-in and attempt to get my boarding pass.

Let me pause here, and paint a picture for you friends – I am in a jogging suit, with a gray headband that only covers the front third of my hair the remainder of which is sticking out (and straight up) at odd angles all over my head, I have ZERO makeup, my glasses could use a cleaning, and my eyes are puffy from sleeplessness with only one eye being fully open because I haven’t had enough coffee yet, AND I HAVE NO BAGGAGE – just my backpack because I didn’t want to have to wait for luggage after my flight landed.

Yeah, so this is the flying ball of crazy lady that hit the check-in desk when she couldn’t get the auto-checker to give her a plane pass. My memory’s a little fuzzy but I think the American Airlines dude actually took a step back when I hit his counter. He gently asked if I was having trouble. My one open eye glared at him as I said, “Your machine is stupid, and I need my boarding pass”. After an almost imperceptible throat clear, Mr. Airline kindly says, “And what city are we heading to?” I tersely replied DFW whilst tapping my bitten fingernails on the counter. This ever-patient gentlemen then warily asks, “I see you have no luggage that needs checking?” O.M.F.G. lightbulb!! I am acting so terroristy!! Edgy lady + looks completely bonkers + no luggage!!

I do not have time to be accused of being a terrorist!! So I blurt out, “No! No luggage! My sister is in labor and this is a RUSH flight! Got me? E-M-E-R-G-E-N-C-Y!!” Then that sweet patient man totally threw skepticism aside, and printed my boarding pass, slapped it on the counter, and said, “Oh my god! Go honey! Security’s that way!” And I ran like my ass was on fire directly to security – where I realized my flight doesn’t leave – for. an. hour. and. a. half.

So, I tramp about 20 yards back to the delicious smelling coffee stand and purchase an Americano so hot it could’ve taken the Teflon off my frying pans. And in a continuing crazy-lady theme, I plop myself down against a wall just to the right of security with cockatoo-hair splayed over the soothing beige airport paint, the heavenly glow of a Geico ad shining down upon my puffy and makeupless face, and suck down that coffee with gusto.

Once the life-giving force of caffeine is safely pumping through my veins, I trot through security without incident, make it to a bathroom where I have enough sense to pull my hoodie up to cover my hair, and slap on some powder and mascara. Both eyes are now open, and I serenely trot over to my gate just before boarding. I confidently hand my boarding pass over to new-American-Airlines-guy-at-the-other-end-of-the-airport, and smile my best and biggest, “I totally know what I’m doing” smile. New-Airline-Guy buys it! For about 3 seconds before he looks at my name on the ticket – then he freezes, and after a heartbeat, looks up at me with giant-cheerleader-grin and says, “Has she had the baby yet?” Shocked. Stunned. Drop-jawed. I say, “No, no not yet” He says, “Well don’t worry honey, we’re gonna get you there as fast as we can.” And me? I think to myself, Wow! American Airlines Omaha has the best customer service ever!! How did he know that???

It would be 3 full days, and whole brand new baby later, before I got enough sleep to realize that people weren’t talking and sharing my info because they were enamored by my sister-in-labor story – I was a security target, and they were watching me on cameras. Awesome.

About 24 hours later, after walks, pizza, an emergency sleep over that involved almost no sleep, dog sitting, contractions, oxytocin, graph and heart rate monitoring, and some very intense pushing – my nephew, L.J.E., opened his eyes to this big wide world for the very first time, and immediately thereafter decided he’d like a snack and a nap.

Sweet little guy. Welcome to the world!

And I’ll tell you what – for what I got to see on Sunday, November 27th, my little sister becoming a Mommy for the very first time – that fleeting moment of bringing life and perfection into this world, followed by the wonder that keeps filling her face each time she looks at her son – for that, to be a part of that, I’ll be the crazy lady at any airport, anywhere, anytime, no questions asked.

Aunt Jamie and Papa BE.

Also, Jamie is getting her heart hole fixed today so let’s all send good juju to her in the hospital.  Surgery is serious business.